Musings of a "Non-Working" Mother

Over the span of my childhood, I wanted to grow up to become (in no particular order) a doctor, veterinarian, ballerina, environmental lawyer, oceanographer, President, or movie star.  As I went into college, I decided to dive into the world of forensics.  And for the record, this was BEFORE CSI came on tv.  At first I wanted to focus on psychology, then ultimately decided on anthropology.  Never once did I ever see myself as a stay-at-home mom.  I wasn't even 100% sold on the idea of having kids.  I wanted to be self-sufficient.  My parents were adamant about my brother and I getting a good education so we could provide for ourselves, and I had no plans to do anything but that.  Even when I met the man of my dreams and knew we would have kids some day,  I still continued on to grad school with a kick-ass career on my mind.  Not working was never an option for me.

Fast forward to 2007.  I was finished with grad school, Matt was finished with nursing school and we got married and moved to Portland.  The plan was for me to put my MA to good use and find a job and Matt would work for a year or two before attending OHSU to get his degree in Nurse Anesthesiology.  But those plans didn't quite pan out.  I was having no luck on the quest for a perfect job and discovered I was pregnant with Max.  SURPRISE!  I gave up on the career hunt and decided to stay with my current employer, REI, since I had such great health insurance.  And in spite of the fact that it wasn't my dream job, it was a great company to work for and I was content there.  But after Max was born something changed.  While I was happy to be working again after my leave, I discovered I missed him terribly.  I cut back to 30 hours a week, but still no longer felt content.  My income barely covered the cost of childcare.  After several months, it became evident that to handle my workload, I needed to work 40 hours a week.  I had to make a choice: either work more, or let them hire someone who could give more time to the job.  I walked away and never looked back.

So here I am now.  A proud stay-at-home mom of two smart, healthy, beautiful kids.  I'm a little ashamed to admit I always looked down my nose on women who were "just" moms.  But as I began my journey into parenthood, I met many other moms who were smart, fashionable, active, and think for themselves.  I have yet to see a pair of mom jeans.  Nobody drives a mini van.  God help me, I'm the only one who wants a mini van (they're so practical!) and I get strange looks whenever I mention it to my mom friends.  I still get a bit self-conscious when someone asks me what I do.  But I am slowly getting over the need to inform people that I have an MA after telling them I'm a mom.  I am proud of what I do, and I know that staying home with the kids has been great for all of us.  Matt will be going back school in the next couple of years and I'll have to go back to work then, but I know I'll never regret taking this time to be at home with our kids.

What I've come to realize is this.  Being a mom is never easy.  Our choices are never easy.  I know women who went back to work full time after having kids.  Some love it, some wish they didn't have to.  I know women who walked away from great careers to stay home with their kids.  I know women who went back part-time.  We all have feelings of guilt whether its because we feel we're not at home enough or because we feel we're not contributing enough financially.  The thing is, we have to do what's best for ourselves and our families and we need to stop judging each other for the choices we make.  I don't call myself a full-time mom because ALL moms are full-time moms.  It's not easy work and we all need to be supportive of each other.  And that's my two cents for the day.

My current employers.  I can't think of any better reason to take a few years off work.